There’s a lot of angst going on right now, we’re all a little scared, all a little angry, all a little worried for our loved ones new and old. I had my first anxiety attack last week since my foot fiasco last year. At that time I was worried I’d never walk again. Now I’m concerned if I’ll find myself on a ventilator because I went to work. Man a lot can change in a year.I’m a Nurse Practitioner for those of you who don’t know. I was a Nurse before that and a Paramedic before that. I’m the one who usually rushes into a place, with little concern for my own health or safety. I’m the one who usually keeps calm in the middle of a shit show. In the past I’ve expected to pick up a bug here or there or sustain an injury on the job. Both of which have happened, but I also used to have proper equipment to keep me somewhat safe. I had bunker gear, I had gowns, shields and proper masks to protect me. This go round I don’t.
Our country and health systems were/are unprepared. We all have our theories but that is a blog for another day. The bottom line is that I, and many of my colleagues, don’t have what we need to protect ourselves and that means I’m literally risking my life just to show up to work like thousands of other healthcare workers; not to mention janitors, cashiers and mechanics. Like some, I don’t have a choice. I’m essential. And not in the I’m fucking amazing and my life matters to the universe sort of way.
I’m angry, I’m worried, I’m scared. Yes I said it, I’m scared. This isn’t a common emotion for me, at least not one I admit easily. I’ve been riding on my mindfulness practices for the past couple of years which have undoubtedly served me well. But this hiccup has caused a review in zen passivity. I had mentioned a couple posts ago, it’s dis-equilibrium that brings growth. Well, here it is! Time to call my passive practice into active practice. Perhaps my approach to mindfulness can help you, your friends and family during this uncertain time. May these bring peace and presence into the darkest of days.

1. THE 3-BREATH HUG

The 3-breath hug has been the most serene way to ground ourselves and reconnect with each other if possible in our moment-to-moment experiences.When one of us becomes distressed, coming together, if you can and aren’t physically distancing, for a 3-breath hug, grounds you to not only your breath and response but also that of your partner, friend or family if they are near. Much like the Maori do when they touch foreheads or even tantric breathing for lovers. This pause gives ourselves and each other love and support. What a gift!

2. A MINDFUL MANTRA ‘THIS TOO’

When life presents us with the unpleasant and the unwanted there is a strong tendency of the mind to resist what is happening. Resistance to pain though, just creates more suffering. Sometimes holding on causes more pain than letting go. It’s like holding the rope connected to a terrified horse and the rope is cutting onto your hand. It’s futile. Let go. So here we are in this extremely stressful situation. Loved ones may be fighting for their lives or already have died. Or in the case of myself and coworkers, there is a good chance we could be infected. That’s very unpleasant. Feelings of fear, grief and loss naturally arise, and if I let them come and go without suppression, it’s healthy and natural.But if I begin to get into mental resistance patterns like ‘why is this happening to me?’ or ‘it’s not fair’ or ‘this shouldn’t be happening’ or ‘I want this to stop/ change/ go my way’ then I start fighting with reality. I start fighting with the present moment – and that, I know, is completely futile and just creates more layers of suffering. I will also lose touch with myself and the present moment if I get into resistance.That’s why not only do I change the dialog from, why is this happening to me, to what is this trying to teach me, but also repeat the mantra ‘This too.’ ‘This too’ is an abbreviation for saying ‘I accept unconditionally the unfolding of this present moment in whatever form it takes – this too is allowed and accepted.’‘This too’ reminds me to soften resistance. It reminds me to stay grounded in presence and connects me to peace even in the middle of this pain.

3. ONE CONSCIOUS BREATH

People take breathing for granted. However, like mentioned above, there is power in just taking a few deep, slow, conscious breaths – especially when you’re stressed. Breathing just a couple of breaths this way whenever you feel overwhelmed is so soothing. Breathe in for 5 seconds – hold for 3 – breathe out for 5. There are many Apps for this but you don’t really need one. And surprisingly it only takes a few of these to re-center. But if you want to use it to begin an meditation sit for 20-30 minutes, all the better.Taking this time to step out of the mind and reconnect with the body and being-ness is so simple, yet profoundly nourishing. This practice reminds me that the world is still turning, birds are still singing and the sun is still shining. There is more to this moment than the pain, it’s all alive and it’s a miracle.

4. CONNECT CREATIVELY

When the world seems unhinged, there is a lot of waiting around as things unfold. So I look for ways to be mindful as I wait or am distancing for the greater good. It’s all too easy to become caught up in the stressful energy of the world and all too easy for the mind to start running ‘what if’ scenarios when waiting.Find a task, pick up a forgotten hobby, learn a new one, beautify your space, remove totems of loss or grief that keep you in a cycle of negativity. I’ve perfected the gluten free chocolate chip cookie and finally finished a puzzle I started 4 months ago. Put on some good music and dance or listen to a book and zone out. You don’t always have to be productive.

5. KEEP UP A DAILY PRACTICE AND DO THINGS THAT NOURISH YOU

It’s common that we tend to abandon our daily practice on the darkest of days – when we’re sick, tired or stressed – but that’s exactly when we need it the most. I’ve found my daily meditation an incredible gift during this time. It’s been a time of cultivating self-compassion and gentleness. It’s been a way of opening up to the wholeness of life and reconnecting to what really matters.It’s also vital that you are doing things that nourish, like eating well, going for walks, riding your bike, connecting with nature and getting some exercise. This is a way of self-nourishing at a time when I think many of us feel like drowning our sorrows in junk food, booze and unhealthy habits. Give yourself an act of kindness in a time of uncertainty and pain. Also, reach out to get support from your loved ones. Allow yourself to be vulnerable, you don’t have to do it alone. This is a lesson that is hard for me after going it alone for so long, but in opening up, I have also found love and friendship.
I am blessed.