Let’s talk about energy—not the “I need another double espresso” kind, but the deep-down, soul-level kind that keeps us connected, alive, and (on a good day) not yelling at traffic. I’m still working on that one. “But seriously it’s that little lever on the left!”

Life energy flows through us like a river. When things are smooth, we feel grounded, vibrant, and like we can handle what life throws our way—whether that’s a tough conversation or seeing your third, ” I keep throwing up after I smoke pot, but it’s not the pot,” patient.

But life, as it does, throws in some rocks: old hurts, stress, grief, messy breakups, childhood shit we thought we’d “already dealt with.” No matter how big or small, these rocks block the current. And suddenly that easy-flowing stream turns into a trickle—or worse, a stagnant puddle. That’s when we feel tired, anxious, disconnected, or like we’re dragging a fifty-pound emotional backpack through the day.

Here’s the thing:  Sometimes we’ve been swimming in that stagnant slough for so long it seeps into becoming an identity and it’s scary to think if we move that one rock we won’t know who we are anymore. However its not healthy to stay stuck. We have the power, the right, and if you’re in a relationship or before you start a new one, the obligation to clear the damn river so it doesn’t flood into others. That doesn’t mean forcing positivity or pretending everything’s okay. It doesn’t even mean making things perfect or being perfect. That’s just the story we tell ourselves, for fuck’s sake, we’re human. We evolve, we grow, we’re supposed to! But it does mean doing the slow, brave work of noticing what’s blocking us—fear, shame, old stories that we aren’t enough—and gently letting them go to make room for the snow melt. (Okay, sometimes not so gently. Sometimes it’s ugly-cry-in-the-shower or rage cleaning your domicile, letting go. Still counts.)

Simple rituals help: a good bath, mindful breathing, that one playlist that makes you feel like you’ve got your life together. (Can anyone suggest one?) Smudging if that’s your thing. Riding your bike 20 miles to get that double espresso if that’s your thing. Therapy if that’s your thing. Or just sitting quietly with yourself and saying, “Hey, I see you. You’re doing your best and the right people will recognize that.”

When we take care of our energy, we’re not just avoiding burnout and demolishing dams—we’re cultivating peace. We’re showing up as whole people, even if we’re a little wobbly. And we’re reminding ourselves that healing isn’t about being perfect. It’s about staying open, staying brave, and letting life flow through us again and allowing those that see you help you hold your balance while you try to navigate those slippery rocks in the river.